Aftershocks
by hobbes073
Summary: Sometimes life throws you a curveball. Sometimes it throws you a madman. The aftermath. Many thanks to blue briefs for betaing. All reviews happily received.
1. Chapter 1

Olivia Benson crossed the threshold of the Upper East Side apartment, shut the door gently and then tiredly leaned on it. Her gun holster was heavy on her hip and the badge dangling from the chain around her neck weighed a ton. She ran her hand through her hair frustrated by fate in general.

She and Stabler were having lunch when a nut job with a hard on for killing cops had stepped through the door and started shooting. The diner, just around the corner from the 1-6 had been filled with uniforms, a few firefighters, two plain-clothes detectives and by the grace of God six paramedics.

Beyond the bullets, shattering glass and manic laughter there had been blood everywhere. Olivia could still smell it, taste it. She had gotten most of it from her hands and arms and she had changed from the blood soaked clothing but she could still feel it.

She was still leaning on the door, eyes closed, when she felt Alexandra Cabot approached quietly. Alex gently removed the badge receiving no resistance from the detective. Alex asked softly, "What can I do?"

"I… I need a shower," Olivia answered. She paused then opened her eyes to see her lover before her. Alex had changed from her power suit into the comfort of jeans and a sweater. Her face had also changed from that morning. Alex looked as if she had aged fifteen years in the past fifteen hours.

Olivia gave her a light peck on the lips and then stepped around her. She couldn't give Alex any more than that until she washed the day off of her body. Olivia went straight to the oversized shower and set the jets on gentle and the water on hot. She left her clothing on the bathroom floor and stepped into the scalding spray.

Olivia was washing her short dark hair for the second time when she felt the telling cool breeze enter the stall and then Alex pushing her gently face first into the tile wall. A few seconds later the water temperature sank to a reasonable level and Alex was pressed up against her.

Olivia didn't speak, she couldn't. Alex carefully positioned the shower nozzle to allow the water to rain down on the detective. Olivia let herself use the wall for support and allowed Alex to finish rinsing her hair. Then Alex, mindful of the abrasions and bruises, carefully washed the rest of Olivia. After she hung the washcloth over the rack Alex turned back to the soap covered detective and stepped closer. Olivia slid into her embrace and they stood there letting the warm water crash down.

Olivia's mind was replaying the horrible scene. She and Elliot had been two tables from the door when the shooting started. It had taken her about three seconds to duck under the table. Moments later they were returning fire from behind the shabby booth.

The gunman had been covered in body armor and she shuddered remembering his look of joy as he littered the diner with shell casings and bullets from his AR-15. When the machine gun was empty he pulled out a sawed off 12 gage and started actually aiming at people. It was yet to be determined who actually managed the headshot that took the bastard down. Olivia just knew that she and Elliot were both firing, as were three other officers, when his face exploded. She had been almost through her third clip when he dropped.

Then the Hell of helping the wounded began.

As she held onto Olivia under the hot spray Alex's mind drifted back to the cold panic she had experienced when news of the shooting reached the courthouse. She had been in the middle of questioning a lab tech about the results of a DNA sample when she had caught sight of Detective Fin crouching in the gallery directly behind the prosecution table. He was pale and even worse his hands were trembling. Judge Petrovsky must have also noticed Fin's unusual state because she had no objection to allowing the prosecutor a moment to speak to the detective.

"What's go…" she began but Fin shook his head. He rolled over the barrier and pushed Alex into her seat. She was about to object to his manhandling when he spoke.

"They're okay, alright? Just remember she's okay," he told her.

"Who… Olivia. What happened?" She demanded suddenly terrified of his shaking hands. Her legendary courtroom calm shattered instantly.

"Gunman opened fire at Mollies. Benson and Stabler are okay but a lot of cops ain't. Really bad shit."

Alex's hands went to her mouth as she fought down the nausea. Fin said she was okay. They were okay. Repeating the thoughts over and over had no effect on the dread that had taken up residency in her stomach.

"Benson said she'll call the second she can and that you better fry this asshole," he said nodding his head to the defense table.

Olivia expected her to concentrate?

"Counselor are you ready to proceed?" Petrovsky asked.

"I apologize for the interruption your honor," Fin told her in a most solemn tone. Alex closed her eyes and took a deep breath and then another.

"Counselor?"

"Yes, your Honor. I'm ready," Alexandra said sounding not really sure but resolute none the same. If Olivia wanted her to focus and she would. Fin, slinking out of the courtroom, knew that Alex would be okay until she had time to stop and think.

The second Petrovsky called them adjourned for the day Alex dug her cell phone out of her briefcase and dialed Olivia. She was unable to reach anyone at the 1-6 in desperation she had called Kathy Stabler. Elliot's wife had spoken to Munch much as she had spoken to Fin.

Detectives Benson and Stabler would not be allowed anywhere near the investigation of the gunman and his motives. That didn't stop them from accompanying Captain Cragen to notify the families of the dead from their house. A number of the dead were uniformed officers from Cragen's squad. Alex had been furious when she learned that Olivia was helping with notifications. Then she realized that Olivia had to do something. Olivia had been put on administrative leave, her gun taken for analysis and told to make an appointment with a department shrink.

Like Alex, the moment Olivia stopped moving she almost collapsed. Now they clung to each other letting the water wash the physical part of the day off. When the water began to turn colder Alex shut it off and then carefully towel dried Olivia. It wasn't long before Olivia was bundled in a thick robe on the couch with a steaming bowl of chicken noodle soup and a thick slice of French bread on the coffee table in front of her. The bread had butter and jam; just the way she liked it.

"Did you make this?" She asked Alex, stirring the soup. Alex blinked and worried for a second that Olivia had a head injury.

"I opened the can just for you. Eat. I need to get dressed," Alex replied after realizing that Olivia was making a feeble joke. Olivia picked up the bread and then sat it down after Alex left the room. She didn't want to eat. The last time she was eating… Olivia closed her eyes and forced herself to not think about it.

The cell phone on the coffee table began to dance across the polished surface and Olivia checked the caller ID. It was Alex's mother. Olivia liked Jane but she could be a chore to deal with. Jane Cabot was definitely a better option than trying to eat.

"Alexandra Cabot's phone," she answered.

"Oh thank god, Olivia. Are you alright dear?"

"A little banged up but I'll be okay," she lied.

"Such a horrible thing. You and Alexandra come up here this weekend and get out of the city," Jane offered.

A weekend of questions about when and how they would start a family. Olivia wasn't sure it was such a bad idea.

"I'll speak to Alex about it and have her call you," she said as Alex came back in to the room. Alex frowned at the food and then the phone.

"I've left you several messages," Jane told her and Olivia could feel her frowning matching her daughters' expression.

"I'm sorry. My phone was broken." If broken was what the shattered piece of plastic and electronics could be called. She had landed on her ass hard and the phone had been in her back pocket.

"I'm not… I'm sorry, Olivia. I'm not chastising you. I just… Alexandra thinks the world of you and it has rubbed off. You're family," Jane told her firmly.

"That…" Olivia cleared her throat. "Thank you. That means more than I could ever tell you. I should go. Alex made me dinner and it's getting cold."

"Alexandra made dinner? Do you need me to ring you up a delivery boy?" Jane asked lightly before they signed off.

"Eat," Alex ordered taking the phone from her.

"Your Mom said Hi," Olivia replied picking the bread up again. She nibbled a corner to test her stomach.

"I've spoken to her several times today," Alex replied.

"Oh. She said… Told me I was family."

"Yes, well I've known that from the moment that Gus looked up at you and was struck dumb," Alex said of her young nephew who was enthralled by Olivia Benson. She pointed at the food and the look on her face told Olivia that arguing would be moot. It mostly was with Alex who, after all, argued for a living.

Olivia finished half the bread and five bites of soup before it came back up. Alex held her head as she vomited and then held her as she cried. When she had calmed Alex helped her to her feet and handed her the toothpaste. Olivia scrubbed her mouth three times and then threw the toothbrush in the trash. When she came back into the living room she found Alex on the couch with the first aide kit open on the table. All signs of dinner were gone.

There were no jokes about Alex being a doctor as she cleaned the abrasions on Olivia's hip and the outer part of her thigh. Alex covered the gash that had required seven stitches with a waterproof bandage. She realized she wouldn't be grabbing Olivia's ass anytime soon as the one side was covered with a massive bruise.

She didn't ask how the bruises and cuts had happened. That would come with time. She just held on to the fact that Olivia was still alive for her to care for.

She finished and then had Olivia lay on her almost unblemished side with her head in Alex's lap. Alex broke a cold pack and slipped it onto Olivia's backside. Olivia adjusted it to where the bruise hurt the worst but Alex held it in place. After twenty minutes Alex tossed it on the table and walked Olivia to the bedroom.

After Olivia put some clothes on, they crawled in to bed, on the opposite side that they normally slept. The detective slid into the embrace that Alex offered and felt herself relaxing. She grimaced slightly as she pulled away momentarily and kissed Alex gently.

"I love you," Olivia told her softly.

"And I love you," Alex replied aware that there were spouses of cops all over the city would never hear or say those words to their loved one again.

Olivia laid back down using Alex's shoulder as a pillow. Olivia loved it when Alex would play with her hair. Tonight though it was relaxing to have the blonde stroking her head as she drifted to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Kathy Stabler watched as the last hearse rolled past where she, her youngest daughter and Alexandra Cabot were standing. The wailing of the bagpipes more than covered the sound of grief that she could almost see surrounding the crowd. Further down, towards the street, she could see her husband and his partner saluting. The gold button on the right cuff Elliot's of dress uniform twinkled in the sun as his arm trembled.

Kathy cursed her husband's stubbornness. His right shoulder had been injured and he shouldn't have been moving his arm at all. Though she hated it she understood.

This past week had been an even larger than normal emotional roller coaster in the Stabler house. Elliot was all over the place and had finally exploded the two nights before. It began when Elizabeth had admitted, with some prompting, that one of the boys she went to school with had attempted to put his hands up her shirt.

Elliot's tirade had been stopped cold when Dickie told his father that he didn't have to beat the kid up. Elizabeth already had. Elizabeth had objected saying that she had only bloodied his nose and gave him a black eye.

The Stabler parents spilt their reactions to that news. Kathy didn't like that Elizabeth had reacted with her fist but Elliot was delighted his youngest daughter had popped the kid. The fight that had ensued was loud enough to send Kathleen, the most sensitive of their kids, into tears.

Kathy didn't know what to do for Elliot. His refusal to talk to a therapist was no surprise and after the mess with Detective Jeffries who could blame him. One moment he was fine and then next he would be shouting or fighting tears. Elliot didn't like to let anyone see him cry. Kathy was an exception to that rule and she had held him more than once over the past week.

Kathy didn't know what to make of the fact that they had sex each of the four days since the shooting.

She heard Elizabeth sniffle and slipped her arm over her shoulders. Elizabeth, who frequently accompanied her father to departmental softball games, had known two of the officers killed. Kathy knew that in her daughters pocket was a ripped up batting glove Officer Jillian Brown had given her. She also knew that Elliot had the matching one in his pocket.

The crowd began to mill around them and Kathy squeezed her daughters shoulder then pulled her into a hug. When they finally let go Kathy turned to Alex to say something. She was caught by surprise when a boy who looked to be about three ran up to Elizabeth and threw his arms around her legs.

"Bef!" He cried looking up at her.

"Hi ho there Baby Buddy Ben," Elizabeth said and the boy giggled.

"Ben! Don't run… I'm sorry he got away from me," a short red headed woman said as she approached. Elizabeth glanced at her and Kathy saw her do a double take.

"Oh. Sorry. You must be Hannah. I'm Elizabeth Stabler," the young girl said after staring at the woman for a long moment.

"Bef!" Little Ben said again with a grin.

"Ah, that explains why Benjamin ran off. Jillian told me about you."

"This is my mom Kathy and Ms. Cabot," Elizabeth said as Ben trampled her feet.

"We've met. Hannah," Alex said with a nod.

"Right. You work for the dark side. I forgot. I can't think good today," Elizabeth said.

"The dark side? Hmmm… Your father certainly has a way with words," Hannah said with a small smile. "Or did my sister tell you that?"

"Jillian. She used to…" Elizabeth stopped to compose herself then continued. "She used to tell me that you were adopted and that Darth Vader was your real dad."

Hannah chuckled and shook her head sadly. She spoke softly, "That sounds like Jillian all right. She tried to convince me I was adopted when we were kids. I almost believed her then our brother Xavier spoiled her fun by pointing out that we all looked way too much alike to not be related."

"I'm really sorry about Jillian. I liked her a lot. You really look like her. I didn't mean to stare," Elizabeth told her.

"Thank you. It's okay. Do you look like your siblings?" Hannah asked.

"No," Elizabeth said firmly.

"Yes," Kathy corrected.

"Care to break the deadlock Alex?" Hannah asked lightly and Alex shook her head.

"I always hated it when people said my sister and I looked alike," Alex told them.

"You have a sister? I didn't know that," Hannah replied.

"Bef! Bef!" Ben said bouncing again.

"Bef?" Dickie asked as he approached them with his two oldest sisters.

"I wouldn't tease her Dickie. She might punch you," Maureen told him. Kathy cleared her throat and gave all four of them a warning look. Elizabeth smiled angelically.

"I'm not stupid Maureen. Way too many cops here to…" She stopped and thought for a moment.

"Commit egregious bodily assault," Alex supplied.

"Yeah. That. Thanks," Elizabeth said.

"Well if you need a defense attorney have your parents give me a call," Hannah told her. She put her hand lightly on Elizabeth's shoulder and gave her a soft smile. "Your mothers right you know. Come on Benjamin. We need to go find your Daddy."

"DA!" Ben cried looking around. Hannah scooped him up before he could take off again. He grinned at Elizabeth and squirmed towards her. The young girl offered her arms and his aunt let Ben go to her. Elizabeth hugged him for a long time then gave him back to Hannah with tears in her eyes. She stared crying when Hannah turned to find Ben's father.

"More waterworks?" Dickie asked.

"Don't be a jerk," Maureen scolded him.

"That was Officer Brown's sister and son," Kathy told him as Elizabeth wiped her eyes with her sleeve.

"He's so little he doesn't even know she's gone," Elizabeth sniffled. She looked as if she were about to burst into sobs.

Alex offered Elizabeth a Kleenex and then spoke softly. "How did you know Officer Brown?"

Kathy watched Alex focus all of her attention on Elizabeth as she explained. Then Alex gently asked a few more questions and shared a short and what Kathy suspected was a highly edited story about Jillian Brown. It took Alex about five minutes to make Elizabeth smile at a memory.

Elliot and Olivia approached slowly with their hats in hand. They stopped to speak to someone Kathy didn't know. After a moment Elliot, then Olivia hugged the woman and continued towards them.

"I didn't notice Olivia limping yesterday," Kathy commented.

"Slight sprain and some bruising. She's been hiding it pretty well," Alex replied.

Kathy noted that they were both watching the Detectives as they spoke. She had been intimidated by the ADA when they first met. The feeling had lessened slightly over time and watching her with Elizabeth had caused it to go away completely.

"Thank you for inviting us to your mothers. I think it'll do us all some good to get out of the city," Kathy told Alex.

"Mom has wanted to meet Elliot for a while now," Alex replied distractedly, her attention on the two detectives.

"Hope she knows what she's getting herself into," Kathy said to Alex as she gave Kathleen a 'don't you dare' glare. Kathleen pulled the knuckle she had been wetting out of her mouth and smiled innocently.

"She'll love your family and will point out all of the joy that we are missing by not having children," Alex said dryly. Kathy nodded but didn't reply.

The two detectives finally made their way to them. Alex hugged Olivia carefully as to not hit any of the cuts on her side or back. Then she just as gently hugged Elliot. Elliot then turned to Elizabeth who buried her face in his chest and held on tight.

"Elizabeth…" Kathy began but Elliot stopped her.

"It's okay, Kathy," Elliot lied.

"Sorry," Elizabeth said pulling away.

"Come on Lizzie, walk with me," He said tossing his good arm over her shoulder and leading her away from the group.

Elliot and Elizabeth led the group back to the station house lot where they were parked. Olivia trailed behind slowly in an apparent effort to not limp. She fooled no one. Kathy thought several times that Alex was going to say something but she managed to remain silent.

They broke into two groups for the drive upstate. Dickie was a little put off that Elizabeth and Kathleen got to ride in Alex's cool car while he and Maureen were stuck with their parents. Kathy pointed out that had he not been harassing his sisters all morning it might be different. Elizabeth just stuck her tongue out at him as Alex pulled out.


	3. Chapter 3

Jane Cabot had an active life with her friends and special companion Jeffery. She did charity work, volunteered and all the other things someone of her age and stature was expected to do. However the times she loved best were when her whole family was able to visit.

She watched from the doorway as Alexandra climbed from the car followed by two young ladies and then finally Olivia. She took a hard look at the woman she had recently accepted as a daughter in law. She always wanted Alexandra to be happy but Jane never thought it would be with a woman. Especially a woman like Olivia Benson.

It hadn't taken her long to accept Olivia like she had never accepted the men in her daughter's life. It was easy to tell that Olivia loved Alexandra and would die before letting anything or anyone hurt her. It was everything Jane had ever wanted for her daughter.

It may have been the limp, Jane decided. Olivia didn't have her usually swagger. Jane smiled for all four of them then moved to hug Olivia first.

"Easy Mom. She's hurt," Alexandra said protectively. Jane threw her daughter a look that made the younger Cabot cringe.

"Stay high and you'll be fine," Olivia, said her arms open for an embrace.

They had just finished introducing the girls when the Stabler minivan rolled to a stop behind Alex's car. There were more introductions then the group from the city followed Jane into the house. She decided that the back sitting room would fit them nicely. When they arrived at the doorway Elliot followed Olivia down the hall so they could change from the fancy dress uniforms they wore.

After removing the dress uniform and replacing it with loose fitting slacks and a button down shirt Olivia found Elliot waiting in the hallway. He was examining a work of art by an artist neither of them had heard of. Elliot turned and looked at his partner then back to the painting.

"Some place," he commented. Olivia nodded and motioned to the spiral staircase at the end of the hall.

"You should see the upstairs," she told him and he grinned a little at her comfort level.

"I never pictured you at ease in a place like this," he said.

"Calling me low rent, Stabler?" Olivia asked lightly.

"No but this place is bleeding money," he replied.

"Not really. It's… Alex's family is great and I've never felt out of place."

"How's the ankle?" He asked as they started down the hall.

"How's the shoulder?" She replied.

"Hurts like Hell," he muttered. She nodded knowing she was one of the few people he would admit that too.

"Ankle's the same," she replied returning the favor.

They stood and he followed her down the hall with a comment of, "Don't fall cause you know I can't catch you." He noticed the limp become lesser as they entered the room where their families were waiting.

To Olivia's non-surprise Alex had an Ace bandage in her hand. She motioned to an empty chair and Olivia sat without comment. Elliot snickered softly until he saw Kathy holding his sling.

"My ankle's fine, Alex," Olivia objected taking the tan colored roll from the lawyer.

"Young man I do believe I need a hand with something. Can you help me?" Jane asked Dickie. Alex watched the two of them leave the room naturally suspicious of her mother. She took the bandage from Olivia and knelt down in front of her.

Elliot put allowed Kathy to put his sling on and then he kissed her. He hated the damn thing but he would wear it for her. Temporarily.

"We need an ice pack," Alex said and Olivia shook her head.

"It's fine," she objected.

"Your ankle looks like a grapefruit. Your crutches are in the trunk. I'll…"

"Alex. It's fine," Olivia said more firmly.

Alex looked up from where she was kneeling. Olivia saw first the anger then the resignation. Olivia noted that Alex's hands were trembling.

_Christ, Benson, she's doing the only thing she can for you. Quit being an ass_, Olivia thought. Olivia took Alex's hand and squeezed it causing Alex to look up directly at her.

"Olivia. Alexandra. May I get something for you?" A voice asked and Alex snapped back to reality. She was still unused to being able to have a conversation without speaking.

"Good afternoon, Harriet. We could use an ice pack. Thank you," Olivia replied her eyes still on Alex who looked on the verge of tears.

"Of course. Would anyone like something besides tea or lemonade?" Harriet asked. After receiving a negative response, the long time Cabot housekeeper patted Olivia on the shoulder and said, "It's good to see you Detective."

"Hey El can you get me a lemonade?" Olivia asked giving Alex the time to pull herself back together.

"Your hands broken?" Elliot asked moving towards the tray.

"No but I'm afraid if I get up Alex might duct tape me to the chair," Olivia replied getting a small smile from Alex.

"She'd use rope, Olivia. Duct tape is too mundane for a Cabot," Jane said as she and Dickie came back into the room. The young boy was carrying a rather large ottoman, which he sat next to Alex.

"Thank you, Dickie. Now Olivia can rest her foot on the ottoman," Jane said. Elliot handed Olivia her drink and muttered that she was out numbered. Olivia agreed as she lifted her leg and allowed Alex to fuss a bit more.

"Why's it called an ottoman? It's just a footstool," Dickie asked.

"If they give it a fancy name then people will pay more for it," Jane told him. Dickie grinned.

"I'm going to rename all the furniture and sell it," he told them.

"Start with the stuff in your room," Kathy replied dryly.

Alex handed Kathleen her car keys and asked, "If I ask you to go get Olivia's crutches you promise to not take my car for a joy ride?"

"No," Kathleen said taking the keys. Alex shook her head as Kathleen skipped away with Dickie trailing after.

"At least she's honest," Olivia said as Alex examined her ankle more closely.

"I think you need a doctor," Alex said careful to not touch the swelling and bruise.

"Let's ice it and see how it goes," Olivia replied. She watched Harriet nudge Alex out of the way and examine the injury herself. She tensed as Harriet positioned the ice pack and began to wrap her ankle.

"I can't tell you how many times I had to bandage up Victoria and Alexandra," Harriet commented as she efficiently wrapped Olivia's ankle. Seeing Olivia's expression she continued, "With Victoria it was sports injuries. Soccer, basketball, softball. She even hurt herself playing croquet once. Though I think Alexandra may have had something to do with that injury. Alexandra on the other hand couldn't seem to figure out how to ride a bicycle. I'm surprised she doesn't have scars."

_She does_, Olivia thought remembering the scar on Alex's left hip. Harriet gently put her injured ankle down and let Alex move back to Olivia's side.

"Thank you," Olivia said motioning to foot.

"You can't ride a bike? No balance?" Elliot asked.

"I'd like to see you walk in these shoes," Alex told him. He looked down and grinned.

"They don't match my belt," he said with a smirk.

The group sat and chatted while they waited for dinner. Jane and Kathleen shared an affinity for art. Jane was delighted to have someone to speak with and gave Kathleen a tour of the house showing off her collection. The twins, having no interest in art, went along. Elizabeth wanted to ask Jane questions about Alex and Dickie just wanted to get away from his parents.

Elliot took a seat near Olivia and they began a quiet discussion. Kathy, Maureen and Alex were far enough away they couldn't hear what was being said and remained that way.

"It's hard being a cops wife," Kathy commented quietly as they watched the two detectives. Alex nodded even though she didn't consider Olivia to be her wife.

"I never knew how much I would worry. I mean I know Olivia can take care of herself and God knows I trust Elliot to watch her back but…"

"It's the but that will drive you mad. Even if they weren't cops they could have been there," Kathy pointed out.

"I've considered that. I've had lunch in that diner so many times," Alex replied.

"It's where we would meet Dad when he's working Saturdays," Maureen told her.

"I told Elliot I was pregnant with the twins in the booth they were sitting in." Kathy said with a sad smile.

"How… How do you cope? " Alex asked.

"I do denial pretty well," Kathy said wryly with Maureen nodding her agreement. Seeing Alex's expression Kathy continued, "If I don't think about it then it I don't worry about him."

"How's that working?" Alex asked.

"Just fine until I opened the door and John Munch was standing there looking like his dog died."

Alex couldn't help it. She laughed which caused Kathy to break up too. Maureen stared at them failing to see the humor.

"I was in court questioning a witness and turned around to see Fin. He was shaking," Alex mused shaking off the semi hysterical laughter.

"Hard to imagine. Or not," Kathy replied.

"Or not," Alex repeated.

"There's a group of us that get together once and a while. Families of officers. You should come," Kathy suggested but Alex shook her head.

"We're not that out."

Maureen considered it for a moment then said, "That must really suck."

"The consequences professionally could be devastating," Alex replied. She sighed, "And yes it really sucks."

"Well if you ever need to talk you know where to find me," Kathy offered.

Alexandra Cabot, always independent and self reliant, took a steadying breath. "Thank you."

Across the room Elliot was asking Olivia about the drive upstate. He and Kathy purposely had Elizabeth ride with Olivia. It was their hope she would get the young girl to talk about what Elliot privately thought of as the 'shirt and fist' incident. After the screaming match her parents had conducted Elizabeth absolutely refused to speak about it.

Olivia motioned the others to join them. She was grateful that Alex and Kathy seemed to know they needed the few moments alone. Alex refreshed her lemonade and sat on the ottoman.

"Elizabeth had every right to pop that little jerk," Olivia told the Stablers.

"Oh good God yes," Alex agreed. Elliot stared at Alex who shook her head, "Cretin."

As Olivia explained what had happened Elliot's face began to get red. She tapped his good shoulder, "Don't be a hothead Dad. She handled it."

"I pointed out that she needs to tell an adult at the school. She might not be the only one he has bothered. She agreed she would talk to the principle," Alex told them.

"Thanks for talking to her. She wouldn't say anything to us," Kathy said dejected.

"Of course not, you're her parents. We on the other hand are quickly becoming her favorite adults," Olivia told her.

"Oh yeah?" Elliot asked.

"We've always like you Olivia, " Maureen pointed out.

"Thank you Maureen," Olivia said.

"You're welcome. Dickie has a raging crush on you," Maureen told her.

"She has that effect on many many people," Alex pointed out in a serious voice drawing laughter from the others.

The tour seemed to be ending and Olivia excused herself to use the bathroom. Alex cleared her throat when Olivia made for the door with out the crutches. Jane gave her what Olivia imagined to be a motherly smile.

"Is she always this stubborn?" Jane asked.

"Yes," Alex and Elliot agreed in unison.

"Luckily we usually agree on things," Elliot told them and Alex nodded.

"Well I suppose I shall get to be the bad guy then. Harriet?" Jane called out. A minute later Harriet appeared. "Have you contacted Dr. Holloway?"

"She'll be here before dinner. Also the Brewers have arrived," Harriet replied.

"Very well. Thank you."

"Olivia's not going to be happy about that," Elliot mused.

"About what?" Olivia asked crutching her way back into the room.

"I've contacted a physician. She'll be here to look at your foot. Don't worry Elliot wont be jealous because she's going to look his shoulder over also," Jane declared.

"It's really not necessary," Olivia objected.

"Of course it is. It will put Alexandra and Kathy's minds at ease."

Before she could speak again Olivia was nearly knocked over when a small blonde body attached it's self to her leg. A second later the older sister of the boy hugging her scraped up leg was hugging her abdomen. Olivia felt the air leave her body and not return.

"Whoa," Alex said pulling Gus from Olivia's leg. "Kyla be careful. Did he hit your stitches?" Alex asked.

"Stitches?" Kyla asked pulling away from Olivia. She looked at the crutches and then Olivia ankle. In a flash she rounded to the couple that had just entered the room. "YOU told me OLIVIA was OKAY!"

Olivia gently sat down trying to catch her breath.

"Kyla…"

"NO! You said…" Kyla was beginning to get really upset when Olivia reached up and touched her arm.

"I'm right here," Olivia told her.

"Mom said you were fine. She said…" Kyla objected.

"Look at me, Kyla. Sweetheart. Look at me. I'm right here. My ankle is hurt and I have some scratches but I'm going to be fine," Olivia said firmly.

"You promise?" Kyla asked.

"Cross my heart," Olivia told her.

Kyla bit her lip and looked from Olivia to her mother. Olivia offered her a hug and the kid took it.

"I'm sorry. I… I was so scared when they said you were hurt. You…"

Olivia held on to her until Alex came over to them and took her out of the room. Gus, whom Alex had just put down, looked confused.

"Hi Gus. You can sit here but watch my leg. I got a big owie," Olivia told the six year old. Gus scurried into Olivia's lap and his father approached.

"Hi Tanner," Olivia said looking up. He leaned down and kissed Olivia on the mouth.

"Vicky went after Al and Ky," Tanner said as Olivia looked for his wife. Olivia nodded and half way paid attention to Jane as she was introducing the Stablers. She had to repeat herself when the three missing blondes returned.

Kyla looked as if she had been crying and her mother and aunt looked no better. Kyla took Alex's seat on the ottoman while her brother curled up in Olivia's lap. He began to nod off as the adults held their conversation. Olivia felt her eyes growing heavier and was happy she had not taken one of her pain pills. Loud snoring with a side of drool would be less than ideal.

Alex noted that Olivia was much more quiet than normal. She had been since the shooting. Alex knew that pushing her to talk would be a bad idea but the silence was beginning to bother her.

The younger kids seemed to gravitate towards the detective and it didn't take long for her to be surrounded. Alex watched as Olivia shook off her sleepiness and engaged them in a quite conversation. She caught snippets about classes, school and the boy that Kyla thought gross.

"So Detective Stabler would you call that evidence that Alexandra and Olivia need to have children?" Jane asked nodding towards Olivia.

Elliot, caught off guard for a moment, looked to Alex. The blonde was cringing and he quickly smothered his grin. Going for diplomacy he said, "I've always thought Olivia would be a good mom. And I can see little mini Alex's following her around."

"Mini Alex's?" Alex asked. She didn't seem apposed to the idea so Elliot let his grin slip.

"Sure. Blonde, glasses, perfect posture, vocabulary that would make your head spin," he elaborated.

"How long have you been assessing the characteristics of my future children, Detective?"

"Since you started dating my closest friend counselor," Elliot answered honestly. They both looked over at Olivia who seemed to be captivated by something Dickie was saying. Elliot noted the fond smile on Alex lips.

The rest of the afternoon went fairly smoothly with the exception of the doctor's visit. Alex took offense at Olivia's vague explanation of what Dr. Holloway had said during the short exam. She began to question Olivia in a way that reminded Elliot of the woman he knew as Killer Cabot, ADA. He risked his life stepping into the budding argument and managed to head off a major arguing with a couple of questions.

Everyone, including Gus, could feel the underlying tension in the house. The youngest member of the Brewer family kept biting his lip while looking around. It was as if he were looking for an unknown monster that might be hiding in wait. He was also very clingy with Olivia. His father had to pry him away when Dr. Holloway had shown up with her bright pink medical bag.

The dinner conversation was kept light. Kathy, a woman who could kill a plant with a look, listened to tips from Vicky about growing a garden. The Brewers owned an organic greenhouse and were well known for their seed production. Maureen, who hated her biology class, happily discussed plant genetics with Dr. Tanner Brewer. Or happily listened.

Tanner had a boyish charm that was feminized in Kyla who had Dickie wrapped around her finger before the salad course was cleared. They discussed sports extensively and Elliot was amused to see his son finally find a girl who wasn't gross.

Olivia, Elliot and Elizabeth were all fairly quiet. Elliot enjoyed just listening to calm rational conversation. Dinner at the Stabler house was usually a loud affair. He was half listening to his wife and Vicky when he heard his partner speak in her official cop voice.

"Benson," she snapped and his head turned quickly. Olivia had her newly issued call phone in one hand and her fork in the other.

"Yeah just a second Captain," she said. Elliot watched her excuse herself from the table and hobble to the hall.

"I was under the impression you were both off duty," Jane commented.

"We are," Elliot said with a frown. He checked his pockets for his phone and came up empty. Kathy informed him it was in the car.

They could hear Olivia speaking but not make out the words. Just from her tone Elliot had no trouble determining that she was still in cop mode. Alex had apparently made the connection too. She pushed her food around her plate. Elliot made an effort to calmly continue eating. Olivia's voice faded but she didn't reappear.

He picked up her crutches on his way out of the room.

Elliot found his partner sitting on a bench near the neighboring room. He leaned her crutches on the table next to her and sat down. Olivia didn't look from behind her hands, which were hiding her face. After a few moments of silence he asked, "What'd Dad want?"

Olivia relaxed minutely and he tossed his left arm over her shoulder. Finally she spoke, "I didn't kill Jiles."

Zachary Jiles mass murderer. The elephant in the pink tutu that resided in the room they had just left.

"Ballistics are in then. Thought it would take longer," Elliot mused.

"Me too. Captain tried to reach you too. You didn't kill him either," Olivia said. Elliot nodded though she couldn't see him from behind her fingers.

"Why do I feel like this?" Olivia asked after a long silence.

"You mean like you're sorry? Not sorry he's dead but sorry you didn't kill him?" Elliot asked in a strangled voice.

"Yeah. And sad. Not sad I didn't kill him. Not sad he's dead just… Sad."

"Yeah," Elliot whispered.

Olivia turned and buried her face in Elliot's shoulder. He pulled her close and they sat quietly finding the support they needed.

"Alex is worried sick about you," he commented after they cleared their faces. They were careful to not look at each other and made a silent pact to never mention it to anyone.

"I know. I want to… I don't know what to do to help her. I can't even help myself," Olivia admitted.

"Kathy's the same way. I cling to her at night but during the day we fight."

They quietly pondered separately for a long moment. Then Olivia took her crutches.

"One hour at a time," Olivia told him and he nodded. It had been their squads' mantra after the 2001 terrorist attack.

"And the next hours are with your family," he pointed out.

"Yeah. Including my favorite brother," she commented as she crutched back to her seat.

"I'm your favorite? Gimmie that phone. I gotta call Munch and let him know," Elliot said. He held out her chair and she handed her crutches to him.

Olivia took Alex's hand and squeezed it. She picked up her fork resumed eating. Elliot was just taking his chair when a thought crossed his mind. He started to ask Olivia but then stopped. She turned to him puzzled and then nodded.

"Detective Utoff," she told him and he looked as if she had grown a third eye. Maybe she had. She qualified, "It wasn't me, it wasn't you."

He nodded having received the answer to his unasked question. He went back to his dinner. Utoff was a veteran and this wasn't the first time he had killed in the line. He was probably better equipped to handle it than he or Olivia would be. Killing someone, even in self-defense could screw you up for life.

"Dad?" Elizabeth asked a few minutes later. He leaned down to hear her better. "Will you go with me to school on Monday to talk to Mr. Ealon?"

"Sure thing Lizzie. You want mom to come too?" He asked and she shrugged.

"Will you be mad if I get suspended?" She asked.

"Not at you. Mr. Ealon might want to take a vacation," he told her but she didn't smile. "You didn't do anything wrong." She didn't seem convinced and turned to listen to Kyla and Dickie's debate about the Yankees.


	4. Chapter 4

Olivia's consciousness jerked from the comfort of sleep. She was reaching for her gun before she had even opened her eyes. Abject panic set in when it wasn't on the bedside table. The searing pain in her hip when she twisted didn't slow her one bit as she

The room was unfamiliar, the bed too big and too soft. Beside her Alex screamed again and Olivia found reality. She and Alex were in a guest room at Jane's house. Her back up gun was locked in the old cabinet that Alex's father had kept his hunting rifles in.

She clasped Alex by her biceps gently and shook her. "Alex wake up. Alex WAKE UP. ALEX!"

The lawyer continued to dream and Olivia shook her a little harder to no avail. Finally Olivia leaned down and pressed her lips to Alex's left hear.

"Come on Alex wake up. It's just a bad dream. Come back to me," Olivia told her in a firm voice.

Alex awakened and rolled into Olivia's arms just as the lights came on. The blonde was sobbing so hard she was starting to hyperventilate. Olivia held on trying to calm Alex. This wasn't the first time Alex had awakened screaming. She had explained that she had started having vivid nightmare about the time she turned eleven. There was no explanation or traumatic event. They just happened.

Oddly enough taking the SVU position had not changed how frequently they occurred. Since the shooting Alex had not slept through the night.

From the door Vicky watched as Olivia rubbed the back of Alex's neck as she spoke. She heard rustling behind her and caught sight of her mother heading down the stairs. To return with tea, no doubt. It was her cure for nightmares. She glanced down the hall in the other direction and found her husband herding the kids into their room.

By the time her mother brought in the tea Alex had clamed somewhat. She was still crying in Olivia's arms but she was no longer heaving with sobs. Vicky handed Olivia the washcloth she had wet. As Olivia began to clean Alex's face something changed. Vicky felt nearly voyeuristic as she watched. The intimacy level was frightening.

Olivia broke the feeling first. She thanked Vicky and Alex looked around. She hadn't realized they weren't alone but she wasn't really surprised. Her mother and sister always came when the nightmares plagued her. She accepted the tea with lemon her mother offered with soft mumbled thanks.

"You know where to find us if you need us," Vicky said surprising Alex as she corralled their mother from the room.

Olivia watched Alex sip her tea. After a second she said, "I thought you hated lemon in your tea."

"I do. It reminds me of… Well mom always brought it when the dreams came. I guess I associate them," Alex replied in a hoarse voice. Olivia traced a finger over Alex's throat and followed it with a gentle kiss.

"Want to tell me about it?" Olivia asked. The china rattled as Alex's hand shook. She sat the delicate tea cup on the bedside table and attempted the still her shaking hands.

"I just want… I want you to make love to me," Alex replied.

Olivia took a deep breath, "No."

"No?" Alex asked and Olivia saw her tremble harder.

"I won't use sex to chase away bad dreams," Olivia said in a firm voice. Now was not the time to tell Alex that she had been there and done that and it didn't work.

"I…" Whatever Alex was going to say was lost as Olivia kissed her deeply.

"I love you. Never ever doubt that," Olivia said fiercely after she pulled back. Alex fell into her arms needing the closeness. She knew intellectually that Olivia was right but that didn't stop the hurt of the rejection.

Olivia held Alex gently and waited for the shaking to stop. Alex managed to fall back into a fitful sleep while Olivia lay awake. She stroked the blonde hair in a gentle and methodical manner, as she was lost in her own head.

* * *

Sunday Morning Coming Down

_The repeated explosions of shots fired hung in the air. Her ears rang with a high-pitched tune. All she could smell was gunpowder and blood. Blood. Blood everywhere. Frantically she looked around for Elliot. He was right next to where he had landed after slipping on the broken glass from the window they had been sitting next to. His hip was crushing her ankle but she didn't care. Elliot was alive enough to clutch his shoulder in pain. _

_She looked around, unable to clearly hear the Hell she was in. Three inches from her hip was a mass of what Olivia could only describe as brain matter. _

Olivia shook herself back to the present time. She felt the blood draining from her face and her stomach clinch tightly. _Shit, shit, shit_, she thought fiercely hoping Alex wouldn't notice. Alex didn't have Olivia's observation skills but there was no way she could miss the sudden change in her lover. Olivia was clearly rattled.

"Olivia? What is it?" She asked from her spot on the other end of the couch.

They had been entangled foot to foot on Alex's couch, as they were most Sunday mornings. Olivia had her sore ankle off the couch and resting on the coffee table. Her other foot had been unconsciously rubbing Alex's leg which also happened most Sunday mornings. They had the Times in a pile by their feet and Olivia had been reading an op ed piece that left her convinced they should find a deserted island. Absently chewing her lip, she had broken it and the taste of the blood brought the world crashing around her favorite morning of the week.

"Nothing. I bit my lip," she said tossing the paper into the pile.

"I'll get…"

"I'll take care of it Alex. I need the bathroom anyway," Olivia said waving for Alex to sit back down. Alex stood anyway and looked around.

"Where are your crutches?" Alex demanded.

"Bedroom. I'm just going…"

"Sit down. I'll get them," Alex said rushing from the living room. Olivia sat with a scowl that Alex didn't see. She was massaging her temples when Alex returned with the hated aluminum sticks.

"You have a head ache?" Alex asked softly. Olivia pulled away when Alex attempted to touch her head. Olivia didn't answer instead she took the crutches and hobbled her way toward the bathroom. When she finished her business she washed her hands and brushed her teeth. She had to get that taste out of her mouth.

She took the crutches into the bedroom again, this time shoving them under the bed. Her ankle still ached but she could walk with out the damn things. If Alex would let her.

She found Alex sitting on the couch with a bottle of Advil and a glass of water. Olivia shook her head and waved away the painkillers. Alex looked as if she were going to argue but instead let it pass.

"Come here," Alex, said offering her arms.

Olivia hesitated. If she crawled into Alex's arms she may never leave them. Alex positioned herself on the couch so that Olivia could lie between her legs and use her torso as a pillow. Olivia decided she was being an idiot as she accepted the invitation. Alex ran her hands through Olivia's hair massaging her scalp. Olivia looked up from her position between Alex's breasts.

"That bothering you?" Alex asked.

"Not at all. Just… I love you," Olivia told her.

"I love you too."

Olivia closed her eyes and listened to Alex's heartbeat. Olivia couldn't see how snuggling with Alex was going to help her own pain but it helped Alex immensely. Tough sacrifice, Olivia thought with a small smirk as she drifted to sleep.

Alex felt Olivia's breathing slow to a steady rhythm and carefully shifted until she was completely comfortable. Her movement didn't disturb Olivia one bit. Alex glanced down and watched the detective sleep.

Olivia, like Alex, didn't sleep well often. Alex felt guilty sometimes knowing that Olivia had real reasons to have nightmares. Her own unexplained bouts of bad dreams were usually nothing compared to the nights that Olivia would wake up screaming.

Since the shooting Alex had regular nightmares, constant anxiety and even several panic attacks. The day after the shooting Alex had spoken to Elizabeth Olivet about what to expect from Olivia. At the time Alex had brushed off concerns about how she herself would react. Two days later she had eaten the crow and called the doctor back. The recommendation had been that they see a counselor together. Alex had a doctor's name but was unsure how to approach the topic with Olivia.

She stroked Olivia's cheek gently. She couldn't put into words what she felt for this woman. Sometimes saying I love you didn't quite cover it and Alex was unsure if she was able to show Olivia completely.

She hated seeing Olivia in her current state. For the most part it was as if Olivia had shut off her emotions. Alex was trying to not push but it was hard to suddenly be on the outside. She hadn't felt this separated from Olivia since her early days with the squad.

She knew that Olivia was not intentionally shutting her out she but wasn't sure if there was anything she could do about it. Alex had made every effort to make Olivia comfortable, tend to her injuries and not fight or argue. She didn't want to upset the detective who she could see was steadily getting more and more tense.

Alex put the thoughts away and let herself relax a little. Neither of them had slept well the night before. First Alex had awakened from another dream of Olivia in a casket. Then Olivia had jerked awake three hours later. Not wanting to add to her stress Alex hadn't discussed her dreams with Olivia.

Alex felt her eyes drooping and welcomed sleep. She hoped the nap would be a long one.

It may have been three hours later but it felt like three minutes. Alex had awakened briefly when Olivia went to the bathroom but drifted back to sleep easily. Now she heard voices and could smell what had to be Chinese food. Apparently Olivia had ordered lunch.

Alex stopped to kiss Olivia on her way to clean up. When she returned she found the detective dishing out fried rice, General Tso chicken for herself and chicken with sesame noodles for Alex. Olivia handed her a Corona and Alex looked from the food to the beer.

"It's all you have," Olivia told her.

"This looks great," Alex told her deciding to not reveal the office had ordered Chinese three times the past week. She sipped the beer and then picked up her fork.

"I think I was getting withdrawal," Olivia commented picking up a large pepper with her chopsticks. The squad ordered more often than the DA's office.

"Maybe you should convince the guys to eat healthier," Alex suggested knowing it would make Olivia smirk. Alex was pleased when it did so she continued, "Of course you could convince Branch he's really a woman trapped in a mans body more easily."

"I'll save that argument for when were not eating," Olivia told her and it was Alex's turn to smirk.

"How'd you sleep?" Alex asked her in between bites.

"Not bad. You?" Olivia asked.

"It was a nice nap," Alex admitted.

They continued to eat in a compatible silence. Alex forwent the egg roll and the soup but stole a couple bites of spicy chicken from Olivia. Olivia seemed to enjoy pushing her food around the plate. Alex had just finished her beer when Olivia began to place her remaining food back in the box. Alex frowned.

"You're done?" she asked.

"I wasn't very hungry," Olivia said with a decided edge to her voice.

"I see," Alex replied.

"What does that mean?" Olivia demanded. Alex's head snapped up to look at Olivia. The lawyer was taken aback by the absolute rage in Olivia's eyes.

"It means I understand," she said uncertainly. Alex had seen that look before but never directed at her. Olivia didn't say anything for a long moment then she finished her half empty beer and went to the bathroom.

Alex sighed, lost as to what to do or say. She finished cleaning up dinner and was sitting on the couch nursing a second bottle when Olivia returned.

"I'm sorry," Olivia said as she sat down.

"Where are you're crutches?" Alex asked. She had noticed them missing before their nap but in the interest of peace had let it go.

"I put them under the bed. I don't…"

"I don't care if you want to use them or not," Alex snapped, her feelings still hurt from earlier.

"I don't NEED them," Olivia said finishing her thought.

"You're hobbling around in pain," Alex told her.

"I am fine. My ankle is fine. I just…"

"What?" Alex asked when Olivia didn't continue.

"I just need some space. You've been hovering over me like I'm an invalid. Christ Alex don't…" Olivia said when the tears in Alex's eyes became visible.

"Don't what? Don't get upset? I'm just trying to make things easier for you."

"I don't need you to mother me," Olivia told her.

"What do you need?" Alex asked trying to stop the tears but it was too late. Her cheeks were already wet.

"I… I need you to let me breathe. I need you to stop watching and judging everything I do. I'm fine."

"No, you're not. Neither am I," Alex replied.

"You weren't there," Olivia snapped.

"No I wasn't. But you were and I love you. I'm scared to death about what could have happened," Alex told her.

"I'm fi…"

"Goddamn it. If you say you're fine one more time I'm going to scream. You are not FINE. You are not even OKAY," Alex lost her temper. _Shit,_ she thought trying to get it back under control. She didn't want to upset Olivia any more than she already had. Olivia didn't respond so Alex took a deep breath and said, "Elizabeth Olivet recommended a therapist. Will you go with me?"


	5. Chapter 5

*** * * REPOST * * ***

Chapter 5 seems to have vanished for some reason. The reviews for that chapter are gone too. I'd pick up a tennis ball and channel Serena Williams but I don't have the money for the fine. Guess I'll just repost

Author's notes: It occurred to me I've not disclaimed. I don't own them. If I did Elliot would have shot Stuckey the first time he said Bing Bang Boom. They belong to Dick Wolf.

Here is some more angst. Happiness, or something resembling it, will occur eventually I promise.

Thanks,

Hobbes

* * *

Olivia waved to Elliot as he crossed the grass to the table she had claimed when a group of bird watchers had abandoned it for some apparently rare avian. She noted that he was sling free and didn't feel so guilty about leaving her crutches in the car. Alex would have a fit if she knew but Olivia knew Elliot would not rat her out.

As he sat the bags of food on the table Olivia's cell rang. She glanced at it, silenced it and then turned to Elliot.

"This was the best idea you've had in years," she commented pulling a paper wrapped sandwich from the bag. One smell of the sauerkraut told her it was his. She handed it to him and then opened her own onion-laden sandwich.

"Maybe not years…" Elliot joked and Olivia smiled for him. It wasn't a total grab you by the gut smile but it was authentic.

"What you been up to?" Olivia asked. They had not spoken since dinner upstate. His kids however had been texting her like crazy. She thought it was sweet that they each wanted to send Jane Cabot a thank you.

"Hanging with Elizabeth mostly. We both really needed it, I think," Elliot admitted.

"Who'd a thunk that being suspended would be a blessing in disguise?" Olivia asked after she nibbled a few onions off the edge of her sandwich.

Olivia watched him scan the area with his eyes. Apparently he saw something behind her that he didn't like. She froze feeling completely vulnerable. She was unarmed and running was out of the question. After a minute she saw him relax.

"Can't believe Lizzie got the same time as that little creep," Elliot groused as if nothing had happened.

Olivia let him grumble on for a while. It was nice to be outside after being cooped up at Alex's place for the past three days. As much as she loved Alex the hovering was becoming a bit much. They were both strong willed independent women, which was the number one reason they hadn't moved in together. Space was paramount in their relationship.

More than once Olivia had caught Alex staring at her. The look on her face was one of such pain that Olivia could hardly stand to see it. She never asked Alex what she was thinking. It was just easier to slip Alex into her arms until the tension drained from the lawyer. She had been doing that a lot as had Alex.

Alex seemed to have developed a compulsion to touch Olivia every chance she got. Olivia on the other hand was reverting to her childhood habit of playing turtle. The hurt in Alex's eyes when she pulled away made Olivia feel like a heel but she still backed away from being touched. She needed to find her footing and couldn't do it with Alex holding her up. Or waiting on her hand and foot.

Olivia glanced at her phone when it rang again. She muted it and asked Elliot how Kathy's cooking experiments were going. Kathy had decided that come hell or high water the Stabler family was going to start eating right. It had become Elliot's habit to find the most outrageously unhealthy food and wolf it down at lunchtime. The rest of the squad had started a pool as to when he would be caught.

"Dickie asked, 'what's this shit?' last night. I couldn't even yell at him because I was thinking the same thing," Elliot told her.

"Bet that went over well," Olivia said dryly.

"Another fight, another day with the happy Stabler family."

"Not getting any better?" Olivia sympathized.

_What was that woman doing? Olivia thought watching the woman with the stroller mess with the kid. A few seconds later a dirty diaper was tossed in the bushes. _

"Kathy's on me to see a shrink," he said with a half shrug. Olivia didn't ask him about his shoulder.

"Alex is just on me… Get out of the gutter Stabler. She can't seem to back off," Olivia observed.

"Have you asked her to?" He asked before taking a huge bite.

Olivia nodded, "Last night. I made her cry."

"I hate it when that happens. Ask me to talk then cry when I tell you the truth," he said after managing to swallow the bite.

"Not quite like that. We got into it about my ankle," she admitted. She wasn't going to tell him about the therapist Alex had mentioned. Olivia hadn't agreed but had not totally shot down the idea either. Olivia was allegedly thinking about it. She hadn't told Alex that Hell No was the only thought she had.

"Forget your crutches?" He asked innocently.

"I hid them under the bed. You'd a thought I committed murder the look I got…"

"You shouldn't be walking with out them," he told her.

"So I've heard. I keep knocking them over. I nearly tripped on them going to the bathroom," she said and he laughed. She grumbled with a small smile, "Oh sure laugh at my misfortune."

"Can't help it. You've painted a pretty picture. Alex on you and all…" He ducked the onion she flicked at him.

"Well it wasn't pretty. I think Alex wanted to yell at me but can't seem to bring herself to do it."

"Let's trade. Kathy can yell at you and Alex can hold my hand."

"Which would make both of us even more nuts," she told him.

"We're not crazy. Or broken," he said hitting the core of Olivia's objections to Alex's behavior.

_Olivia glanced over his shoulder and watched the oddly dressed old man as he put a blanket on the ground and lay down. He sprawled in the sun as he ate an apple._

"Yeah. I know Alex is scared. How do I convince her that it'll all be okay?"

"You have to believe it first," he pointed out. Olivia didn't like his answer especially since he had a very good point.

"I dunno El. Will it?" She asked uncertainly.

"Eventually. I think."

"Such conviction. I've…" She didn't want to face it but she had to tell someone. "I've had a couple flashbacks."

"Me too," he said after a short silence. "It's probably a good thing they still have my piece."

"I put my back up in my safety deposit box," she told him.

"I gave mine to Munch. I hate… I don't trust my judgement," he said tightly. She nodded in agreement her brown eyes reflecting her own anxiety.

"Little noises, funny smells…" she mused.

"Strange cars," he added.

"Not really though I can see that at your house," she told him.

"Paranoia kinda sucks," he said and she smirked.

"Think this is how Munch feels all the time?"

He laughed loudly attracting the attention of a few of the people milling about the park. Olivia smirked a little. It was good to laugh if only for a little while. She didn't even look at her phone as she silenced it again.


	6. Chapter 6

Author note: I apologize for the delay. No excuses but if you must know I blame that giant block in my head that says WRITER on the side of it.

Warning this is unbetaed. Read at your own risk.

And I still don't own them… Damn.

* * *

As Olivia predicted Alex was relieved to see she was okay but fuming that her calls had gone unanswered. Not that she actually came out and said anything. Olivia observed the clenched jaw and the lack of eye contact. Alex made her way to the kitchen as Olivia hung her jacket over the back of the sofa.

As she waited for Alex to return Olivia could practically hear the lawyer arguing with herself about what she should say. A couple of firmly shut cabinet doors and a slammed refrigerator later Alex came back with two tall glasses of ice water. The inquiry as to where Olivia had apparently won the dispute.

"I went out for lunch." Olivia refused to elaborate on her answer.

Alex was clearly unsatisfied but didn't push for more of an explanation. Olivia found Alex's surrender irritating even though she didn't feel the need to explain. The conflicting emotions were confusing and led Olivia to anger. Olivia ignored the feelings and asked Alex about her day.

Alex had been in and out of court all day and Olivia was glad to see that she had won most her motions. She listened to the lilt and tone of Alex's voice and felt herself calming. The strong, sarcastic lawyer was the person that Olivia loved and it didn't take more than the sound of her voice to make Olivia feel secure.

Even though Olivia was on medical leave she was still required to appear in court to testify. The following day she was to testify against Daniel Tobias. Both women found him to be more repulsive than most suspects. His choice of victim was below the age of ten and it had taken Benson and Stabler a great deal of effort to build an airtight case.

Alex had another reason for wanting the maximum punishment for the repulsive man. He had some how freed himself from the handcuffs in the interrogation room and assaulted both Munch and Benson. It had ended when badass Benson made an appearance for which he was suing the NYPD. His attack on Olivia, though she wasn't hurt, made Alex uncompromising on any sort of deal. Not that they needed one.

They spent a good hour reviewing Olivia's testimony and Alex making a few changes to her game plan. The complications brought on by the assault on an officer charge didn't worry Alex but she was always through. Olivia felt herself relaxing even more. While working through the nuances of the deposition Olivia actually felt like herself again. Alex, in full killer Cabot mode, fired questions at the Detective doing her best to rattle her. By the time they finished both were satisfied with the results.

Olivia stood and stretched. She made her way to the bathroom and when she returned she found Alex looking through her substantial collection of delivery menus.

"How about I make dinner?" Olivia asked picking up her empty water glass.

"Delivery is fine. You need to stay off your feet," Alex told her. The blonde was still studying the dinner options she missed Olivia closing her eyes for a brief moment. She didn't miss the sigh that went with the expression though. Alex asked, "What?"

"It wont hurt me to make dinner Alex," Olivia said more harshly than she really meant to.

"I just think you shouldn't push it. Besides Vicky and the kids will be here in soon," Alex replied hesitantly.

"Fine. Order whatever," Olivia said with a shrug. She took her glass to the kitchen and refilled it. She scowled at her ankle as she drank. Not using her crutches this afternoon had caught up with her but she wasn't about to admit how much it hurt.

Alex vacillated between food choices looking to Olivia for a hint of what to order. The detective's monotone responses and shrugs offered no clues. In the end she picked pizza because she knew that Olivia loved a deep-dish veggie pie.

As they ate Alex watched Olivia pick at her slice. She hesitated again then asked, "Something wrong with your pizza?"

"I'm not very hungry," Olivia told her.

"Big lunch?" Alex asked wiping her mouth.

As badly as she wanted to Olivia couldn't lie, "I had half a ham and cheese from ninety one oh eight."

"You went out to Queens?" Alex inquired in an extremely polite tone.

_What are we strangers?_ Rattled in Olivia's head.

"Elliot brought it," she answered in a tone just as reserved as Alex's.

Olivia ate almost five full bites before quitting. Alex didn't comment though she really wanted too. They continued the civility as Alex finished eating and as they discussed Olivia's lunch with Elliot. Alex wanted details and she knew she could form the questions to get them. She didn't out of respect for Olivia's privacy. Olivia could feel Alex backing down from what she really wanted to know and found it grating.

The strained atmosphere was nearly stifling by the time the three Brewers arrived. It ebbed quickly as the kids were excited to be in the city. Vicky had taken them to the zoo and they wanted to share everything they had seen. Olivia sat on the couch with Gus cuddled in her lap as they listened to Kyla prattle on about the animals. It wasn't long before Gus nodded off and the wind ran out of Kyla's sail. The young girl slid next to Olivia and leaned into her. A few quiet minutes later Kyla and Olivia had also both fallen asleep.

Alex found herself looking at the trio fondly. It wasn't uncommon to find the three of them snuggled together, reading or Olivia making up a story for them. Olivia was great with kids and Alex's niece and nephew loved the detective ferociously. Vicky nudged her and nodded her head toward the dining area off the kitchen. Alex followed her younger sister out of the room and found herself being enveloped in a hug.

"Thanks," Alex told her when Vicky finally let go.

"You looked like you needed it. How have things been?" Vicky asked as she sat down at the two-person dining table. Alex grabbed a bottle of wine from the rack, two glasses and joined her sister. Vicky repeated her question.

Alex wavered for a brief moment then told Vicky about the tension that had been hovering in her relationship with Olivia. Vicky had always been a good sounding board. As a rule the younger sister was always honest though for the most part she delivered her advice rolled up in humor. Vicky listened to Alex's side of the story not speaking until Alex ran out of steam.

"Describe Olivia for me," Vicky said pouring herself a second glass of wine. She topped of Alex's and waited.

Alex looked at her strangely but did as she was asked, "Bright, loyal, funny. Determined, yeah she's determined. She's independent and protective. She's…"

"Hot," Vicky supplied and Alex raised her eyebrows.

"Yes she is," Alex agreed with a smirk. "She's softer than anyone knows."

"You're making me jealous. When we met the first thing I noticed about her was her swagger. I thought she was arrogant but then I could see… I don't know what it is. Vulnerability maybe. She didn't have a very good childhood did she?" Vicky asked.

"Not really," Alex admitted to nothing more.

"And now she's an independent, confident woman."

"Yes," Alex said wondering where her sister was going with this.

"A woman you are hovering over," Vicky pointed out and Alex scowled.

"I love her and she's been hurt. Why wouldn't I want to help her?" Alex demanded.

"Does she want your help?" Vicky asked and Alex nearly flinched. "I don't mean that in a bad way Alex. Olivia's strong and self-reliant. I doubt she's ever had help dealing with her emotions. When we were kids we had plenty of support. Who did Olivia have?"

_Herself_, Alex thought glumly.

"She's not used to someone holding her up. You said that things seemed fine when you were working. How were you treating her then? Like an equal or someone who needed to be coddled?"

"I just want her to let me in," Alex said softly.

"I'm sure she will eventually but you need to back off and let her heal at her own tempo. Drop your expectations," Vicky told her.

"What?" Alex asked.

"Look at the kids. They expected Olivia to be herself and she was. Is. Whatever. You're expecting Olivia to fall apart? Expecting her to lean on you for support? Forget it. Just let it come and quit hovering. I saw you at moms," Vicky said as Alex geared up to interrupt. "You acted like she was going to shatter."

"I'm afraid she might," Alex admitted.

"And if she does you'll be there to pick up the pieces. I'm not saying it's all your fault, Alex. Olivia should know by now that she can lean on you."

"She won't," Alex was convinced absolutely.

"She would if you let her find her balance. The shooting knocked her on her emotional ass. You wont even let her get up. Give her some time and let her come to you," Vicky advised.

Of course it wasn't that easy.

Olivia awoke and carefully extracted herself from the kids. She tucked each of them under a blanket on opposite ends of the couch. Then she pulled the coffee table away. Gus had a habit of rolling out of bed and she didn't want him to bash his body on the sharp edges of the glass.

She found Alex and Vicky at the dining table sharing a bottle of wine. From the looks of them the conversation was serious.

"Hi," Alex said. She offered Olivia her glass but the detective passed instead opting for the last of the Corona. When she rejoined them Alex slid over carefully and Olivia sat down next to her on the chair.

"Aren't you two cute?" Vicky asked as Olivia slid her arm around Alex.

"I thought you said Olivia was hot," Alex pointed out.

The detective stopped the beer bottle half way to her mouth hesitating for just a moment. She took a sip with her smirk and said, "I didn't know you cared."

"Oh I've always rated my sisters significant others."

"On what scale?" Olivia asked in amusement. Vicky and Alex were both buzzing a little.

"Alfred Newman to Julie Ranger," Vicky said wickedly thinking of the photo spread of the young actress she had seen in Tanners copy of FHM.

"Well I hope I'm closer to Julie than Fred," Olivia said dryly. Alex squeezed her knee but her face was a mask. Both of the women at the table could see that she was amused.

"Oh definitely," Vicky confirmed.

Their conversation, slightly drunken on the part of the blonde sisters, continued. Olivia listened to them enjoying the banter and lighthearted teasing. At one point she found herself flirting with Vicky. Alex didn't mind as she was entertained watching her sister fall under Olivia's charms.

When Vicky went off to use the restroom Alex leaned into Olivia's shoulder. The dark haired detective turned and kissed her softly. Alex sighed wishing it could stay like this indefinitely.

"Alex?" Olivia asked.

"Mmmm?"

"I think I need to stay at my place tonight," Olivia told her. Alex sat up quickly nearly falling off the chair they shared. Olivia tightened her grip on Alex's waist.

"What? Why?" Alex asked shaking off the wines effect.

"There isn't room for all of us here. Besides my suits are at my place. I can't wear jeans to court," Olivia replied. Alex thought for a moment and graced Olivia with a look that told her what she thought of Olivia's excuses. Then she leaned back into Olivia's shoulder.

"I don't want you to go," she said.

"We… I think we need some space Alex," Olivia told her.

"You need space. I need you," Alex replied.

"I'm sorry," Olivia whispered.

"Me too," Alex replied as Vicky came back into the room. Alex stood up slowly and slunk past her sister. Olivia sighed, and then buried her face in her hands. She didn't want to hurt Alex but she knew that if she stayed the night things would only get worse.

Vicky watched as Olivia gathered her things. Alex helped her even though all three of them knew that Alex didn't want Olivia to leave. Olivia tossed her duffle over her shoulder and Vicky hugged her. Vicky left the room so that Alex could say what she wanted.

A few minutes after Vicky heard the door close Alex entered the bedroom. She put down the forensic magazine she had found on the bed table and studied Alex. Alex looked like a lost puppy. She offered her big sister a hug and Alex buried her face in Vicky's shoulder.


	7. Chapter 7

Page 9 of 9Aftershocks - Chapter 7

Holy November Batman! I finally finished chapter seven. I struggled with some of this. Let me know what you think.

As always they belong to Dick Wolf. If I owned them Dean Porter would have died before the credits rolled on Spooked.

* * *

Olivia awoke from the nightmare with a rigid shake. Every muscle in her body was tight with tension making the landing on the floor hurt that much more. She looked around desperately trying to take in her surroundings. Need tore through her and panic set in when she couldn't find Alex. She called out her lovers name sounding desperate and raw.

She looked around frantically, terrified and soon realized she was in her own apartment on the floor in front of the couch. Her chest heaved as she fought to control her breathing. Her stomach rolled and she knew it was inevitable. Olivia managed to crawl to the small trashcan that she kept under the end table before she quit fighting her stomach. The bit of soup that she had choked down combined with the bile and fear. When the dry heaves finally subsided she lay back on the floor while pushing the can away.

The images from the nightmare swirled in her mind. The horror of seeing Elliot bleeding to death caused her body to shudder. They had come with in a breath of dying but her own death was not what terrified Olivia. The thought of Elliot vanishing from her life made Olivia's stomach clench again.

While just the thought of Elliot's death made Olivia sick it was not what had her on the floor shaking in fear. On any given day someone else could have been with them. The fact of the matter was it was rare that the two detectives would eat lunch alone. Some times Kathy would sneak off from her job at the hospital and enjoy an extended lunch. Before she had passed, on her better days, Serena Benson had met her daughter for a quick bite between classes.

If she had not been in court Alex would have been sitting next to Olivia. Olivia closed her eyes making herself think about something else but it didn't work. The image of Alexandra Cabot covered in blood put Olivia in the fetal position.

It took Olivia a long time to stop shaking and even longer for the tears to dry.

Once her breathing was under control and she was sure her stomach was no longer going to revolt Olivia looked around and decided that in her absence the dust bunnies had gotten out of control. The platoon under the couch looked like they were ready to raid a terrorist training camp.

So her apartment needed a good cleaning. No surprise as she had spent the last nine days at Alex's place. Add to that the insane amount of time she had put in at work in the month before the shooting and Olivia couldn't remember the last time she had cleaned. She contemplated giving her place a good working over but then remembered that her hobble and limp had grown exponentially.

An image flashed in her mind and she wanted to call Alex and make certain that the lawyer was okay.

Calling Alex really wasn't an option, not tonight. Even if it wasn't four A.M. Olivia knew that the call would send Alex over the edge with worry. She wouldn't do that to Alex especially after leaving the night before on a semi bad note. The thought remained as she sat up carefully. Her neck was stiff and back aching from falling asleep and then falling off of the couch.

Olivia struggled to her feet and picked up the bowl of soup that she had given up eating the night before. With the bowl in the sink and its contents in the disposal Olivia shuffled back to the living room with an ice pack. She was sitting square in the middle of the couch with her injured ankle on the coffee table covered with a bag of ice when the ice began to work it's magic when Olivia let her mind wander.

Before she could stop it the shooting came to her conscious mind. She didn't want to think about it. Reliving it did no good. She would not allow the luxury of another breakdown.

Olivia pondered that for a good while. In the past she had always dealt with fear directly. She was afraid of heights so she took up wall climbing. She was afraid of becoming her mother so she limited her alcohol intake and attended Al-Anon meetings. Her fear of becoming her father had plagued her in the past but she had proven several times that she wasn't some genetic time bomb of violence.

This fear was different. The shooting had been random. Anyone could have been in that diner. Anyone there could have died. Olivia had dealt with this type of violence before but as an outsider. Working the case and being in the middle of the carnage were completely different things.

Most of the time she worked off the cuff taking her clues from the person she was attempting to question or console. It was an ability that had caused George to tell her more than once that she would make a good therapist. It wasn't much help now though.

Olivia had to view herself as a victim and she didn't like what she saw. She scowled a bit as she realized what Detective Benson would tell Olivia the victim.

See a counselor. Don't cut yourself off from loved ones. Maintain your routine. Eat right. Exercise. Think positive. Do something constructive.

Well I fucked that up pretty good, Olivia thought as she laid back and closed her eyes.

She woke up an hour later feeling like shit. It was six in the morning. Too early to call Elizabeth Olivet but it wasn't too early to call Alex.

Olivia picked up her personal use Blackberry, a gift from Alex on her last birthday. She sent Alex a three-word message and then hobbled down the short hall to her bathroom. After showering she found her Blackberry chirping for her attention. She played the voicemail from Alex and felt her heart jump at the sound of her voice.

I'm an idiot, Olivia thought as she played it a second time. Alex didn't answer either of her phones so Olivia called Vicky. Alex had already left for work and with a glance at her watch Olivia knew Alex was in the weekly staff meeting that Elizabeth Donnelly insisted all of her underlings attend.

She chatted with Vicky for a few minuets. The kids had been upset to awaken to find Olivia gone so Olivia agreed to meet them for breakfast. Olivia was grateful that Vicky didn't say anything when she hesitantly asked if she would bring the hated crutches to the coffee shop.

The kids loved the coffee shop especially Kyla who thought that donut and hot chocolate should become a breakfast regular. Gus gave Olivia heart-melting grin when she helped him clean off the cream cheese mustache. Both kids were pumped about their Aunt Alex agreeing to take them to FAO Swartz when she finished up in court. Their mother was less than thrilled by the idea.

"Oh you just wait. I'll have my payback when Alex has kids," Vicky said of the spoiling.

"Your mother thinks that should be sooner rather than later," Olivia replied.

"It means she likes you. She's never pushed Alex about settling down before."

Kyla agreed that more cousins would be nice but she wanted one her own age. Gus on the other hand declared that babies pooped too much to be fun.

"Tanner's sister just had triplets," Vicky said amused at her son.

"That's a lot of baby poop," Olivia told Gus who nodded at her in his serious way.

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?" Kyla asked after a large gulp of hot chocolate.

"No. It was just me and my mom," Olivia told her.

"What about your dad?" Kyla asked.

"He wasn't around but Mom and I did well enough on our own," Olivia explained.

"I'd really sad if Daddy went away," Kyla said with a frown.

"Your daddy is a really great guy. Mine was a big meanie," Olivia told her using the expression that she had heard Kyla use about a bully at school.

Kyla continued to fire questions, in a frightening imitation of her favorite aunt, at Olivia about her family. With well-practiced ease Olivia sidestepped most of the questions and managed to turn the conversation to Kyla's school and the soccer program Gus was in.

The kids wanted to visit Alex at work. Kyla pouted when Vicky refused. Olivia wrinkled her nose at the pout.

"Why would you want to go listen to your Aunt argue with a defense attorney?" Olivia asked her.

"Argue?" Kyla asked.

"Sure. Alex says something, the defense objects and then they argue. The judge makes the decision who's right," Olivia explained.

"Aunt Alex must be really good at her job," Kyla said.

"Yes she is," Olivia, replied amused but confused at the non sequitur.

"Well she had lots of practice. Grandma told me that Mom and Aunt Alex used to argue all the time," Kyla explained and the two adults laughed. Kyla still wanted to go see Alex argue but Gus put his two cents in for exploring the park before lunch with Grandma.

The kids squabbled a bit before Vicky put her foot down about seeing Alex at work. She passed on Jane's invitation for Olivia to have lunch with them. Olivia watched Gus light up when she agreed that if she were done testifying she would join them.

Making her way to the Manhattan Criminal Courthouse Olivia sprung for a cab. The subway would be too much hassle with the crutches. She had just given the driver her destination when he asked, "You a lawyer?"

"Cop," she replied and was treated to a story about his uncle's brother in law who had been a FBI agent during the Hoover years. For once she listened to the cabbie as he attempted to make conversation. The distraction was better than the late night television she had failed at using the night before. She tipped him well when he dropped her, a block from the courthouse.

It took her longer than usual to get through the crowd and security but she was still thirty minutes early. To her surprise Kathy and Elizabeth Stabler were sitting on a bench outside the courtroom. She plopped down next to Elizabeth wanting to shove the crutches up Zachary Jiles' ass.

"Mind if I join you?" Olivia asked with a grin at Elizabeth.

"Hi Olivia!" Elizabeth said grinning back.

"Hey kiddo, waiting on you dad? Hi Kathy," Olivia added.

"Yeah. He's testifying now," the young girl said. Olivia noted that she was dressed up for an outing with her parents. She mentioned it and Elizabeth smoothed out her skit and sat up straighter.

"Lizzie decided last night she wants to be a police officer when she grows up. Elliot and I thought that we would show her other parts of the criminal justice system," Kathy responded. She squirmed in her seat a little and Olivia pointed down the hall when Kathy asked where the restrooms were.

"Mom doesn't want me to be a cop," Elizabeth explained as they watched her mother walking swiftly down the hall.

"It's a dangerous job and I bet she'd worry," Olivia told her and Elizabeth nodded.

"Mom wont admit it but she worries about Dad a Lot."

"I'm not surprised. Don't you worry?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah. I worry about you too," Elizabeth admitted. Olivia watched her shoulder hunch a little.

"Your dad and I take care of each other," Olivia said firmly and Elizabeth slouched further.

"I know, but what happens when that's not good enough?" Elizabeth asked as she slid an old batting glove out of her pocket. Olivia watched her fiddle with it for a moment.

"It has to be good enough. I can't tell you nothing bad is ever going to happen, Elizabeth. We just have to do our best to keep each other safe. That goes for everyone you care about not just your dad and I when were working. It goes with caring about someone, you don't want them to be hurt."

"Like Alex making you use your crutches?" Elizabeth asked.

From the mouths of babes, Olivia thought as she tried to not wince. She nodded, "Or your mom insisting your dad were that silly sling. Sometimes you have to protect yourself too. Like maybe punching some little jerk in the face when he wont keep his hands to himself."

Elizabeth buried her face in her hands and groaned. She said, "I can't believe how much trouble I got in."

"You got in trouble for not telling your teacher when it happened. They can't punish you for defending yourself," Olivia told her.

"It feels like it," Elizabeth grumbled as she sat back up. She crossed her arms and slouched with a scowl. Olivia was struck by how much the girl looked like her father. Olivia tossed her arm over Elizabeth's shoulder.

"When do you go back to school?"

"Tomorrow. I have to apologize to Stan," Elizabeth said wrinkling her nose.

"That doesn't seem right," Olivia, replied with a slight frown as she watched a man who was adjusting his stuff in front of God and everyone. She turned to Elizabeth and made sure that the young girl was focused on her.

"The only thing I'm sorry about is I didn't hit him harder," Elizabeth told her and Olivia laughed. Elizabeth looked sheepish and shrugged.

"Well I doubt that will work as an apology."

"My parents didn't laugh."

Olivia would bet the bank that Elliot nearly popped a vein in keeping a strait face.

"Why should I apologize when I'm not sorry?" Elizabeth asked.

"Detective Benson," A voice interrupted.

Olivia glanced up, "Chief Donnelly, Your Honor."

"I thought you were testifying in the Tobias matter," Donnelly said with a glance at Elizabeth.

"I am. This is Elizabeth Stabler." Olivia introduced Donnelly and Judge Petrovsky and Elizabeth grinned.

"I know who you are. My dad talks about you sometimes," Elizabeth said to Petrovsky.

"Really?" Lena Petrovsky asked.

Oh ho, Olivia thought.

"Do you really throw books at people?" Elizabeth asked as Kathy stepped up next to the bench. Donnelly laughed.

"Not really. It's means that I put people in jail for a long time," the judge said giving the bureau chief a look that stopped the laughter but not the smirk.

"Mom can I go say Hi to Hannah?" Elizabeth asked pointing to the redhead standing down the hall.

"She looks kind of busy," Kathy pointed out.

"Yeah, I guess. Wonder if that guy she's with is one of the bad guys she defends," Elizabeth mused.

"That's Trevor Langdon. He's another defense attorney," Olivia said.

"Oh. He doesn't look like a boil infe… Oh I can't repeat what dad says about him," Elizabeth said.

Olivia chuckled and shook her head before saying, "I bet not. I know your dad doesn't like him much but everyone is entitled to a good defense."

"Maybe I'll become a defense attorney," Elizabeth said.

"An hour ago you said you wanted to grow up and be Alex Cabot," Kathy pointed out.

"I like Alex. I don't know. I still want to be a cop," Elizabeth said.

"Keep thinking about it. Maybe you can go to med school," Olivia told her.

While Elizabeth pondered medical school Elliot joined them. With him was Alex's second, Harvester Young. He was holding a box that could not be left alone or the chain of evidence would be broken. Olivia caught sight of Alex making her way to the bathroom.

"How's the case?" Donnelly asked Harvester.

"Miss Cabot is in rare form," he reported.

"I'm not going to be hearing from Judge Ridenour am I?" Donnelly asked wincing. Harvester shook his head with a smile. Judge Petrovsky convinced Donnelly that micromanaging Alex would probably lead to disaster and they should leave before she returned.

"Ready Lizzie?" Elliot asked.

"I want to say bye to Alex," Elizabeth told him and he nodded.

"How's your shoulder?" Olivia asked. He looked at the sling then back to her.

"Stiff and sore. How's the ankle?"

"Swollen," she said with a grimace.

As Olivia continued to chat with the younger Stabler, Elliot and Kathy moved away from them and began to speak softly. As Alex joined them Harvester handed her the box and took his turn trekking down the hall.

"Coffee," Alex said with a shrug at the two left on the bench.

"Hi," Olivia said using her observational skills on the ADA. Olivia didn't like what she saw especially since it was probably her fault.

"Hi," Alex replied and Olivia could see Alex sizing her up. Like Olivia, Alex didn't comment instead turning to Elizabeth. "Still want to go to law school?"

"Maybe. I might go to med school instead."

"Sounds good," Alex told her.

"I gotta warn you cops don't listen to doctors," Olivia commented.

"Well duh. You'd be back at work if you listened to your doctors," Elizabeth said rolling her eyes. Olivia could see Alex fighting to keep the smile from her face. Olivia wondered which of her parents Elizabeth had heard that from. Elizabeth hopped up and hugged Alex. "Bye Alex." Then she hugged Olivia.

"That question you asked earlier about apologizing when you're not sorry?" Olivia asked after Elizabeth pulled away.

"Yeah?"

"You're parents are going to hate me… I don't think you should lie. If you're not sorry you shouldn't say so. Explain it to your teacher that you're not sorry for defending yourself but that you are sorry you didn't tell right away."

"What if that's not good enough?" Elizabeth asked as her parents approached.

"It's the truth, that's what matters," Olivia explained.

The detective stood on her crutches next to Alex as they watched the Stablers walk away. At one point Elliot and Kathy both turned and looked back at Olivia. She shrugged at them and then smirked. Elliot grinned and directed his wife and daughter to continue down the hall.

"Think that'll work?" Alex asked.

"She shouldn't apologize for something she's not sorry," Olivia said.

"Hmm…" Alex commented.

"I think we need to talk," Olivia said.

"I agree," Alex said not meeting Olivia's eyes.

"Meet me at my…" Olivia hesitated thinking about the condition of her apartment.

"Your place?" Alex asked.

"If you're not afraid of the dust bunnies…" Olivia began and Alex smiled hesitatingly.

"I'm not."

"Good. When you wrap up here call me and I'll order dinner," Olivia said. The usually calm and self-assured detective wavered and said, "Alex. I'm sorry."

Alex thought for a moment and then replied, "So am I."


End file.
